Truths of Pokemon
by HowlingAngel
Summary: Welcome to the wonderful world of insanity. This week: there are 5, 762 officers and Nurses. Why? Because Professor Oak clones them for Mewtwo of course! Hosted by HowlingAngel and PIIR-Pierrot.
1. What are they eating?

**Title: **Truths of Pokemon  
**Summary:** Welcome to the show that reveals the truth behind all those little questions, like the carbon copy Jenny's and Joy's, and why Meowth doesn't call it quits and join a talk show.  
**Disclaimer:** Do not own, will never own, don't really want to own  
**A/N:** Because I got tired of wondering about all the meat.

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P PIIR-Pierrot  
H HowlingAngel

Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Truths of Pokemon show, hosted by HowlingAngel and PIIR-Pierrot, where we discuss all the nuances that keep us up at night questioning the creators sanity. Why Team "Rocket"? How does a Pokemon trainer survive? And what's with that hair?!

**Today's episode: Cow or Milktank? What are they eating?**

**H**: Welcome, one and all! As said above in that nifty font, what are they eating?

**P**: Hamburgers, obviously! Delicious, juicy burgers...

**H**: No duh. But what is it made out of? As Officer Jenny is fond of saying while beating up unsuspecting travelers, "No Pokemon Poaching!"

**P**: Well, I suppose you _could_ poach a Pokemon egg, but then you'd _never_ get a Togepi! And what a tragedy that would be for all those OCD "Gotta Catch 'Em All" folks out there.

**H**: ...How do they breed anyways?...You never see a preggo Bulbasaur or an expecting Exeggutor.

**P**: Of course not, silly! Those are both grass type Pokemon! They don't do the whole "Sparrows and Beedrills" deal. They cross pollinate!

**H**: Dude.

**P**: ...what?! You never got the "Sparrows and the Beedrills" talk from your parents? Y'know, that really, _really_ awkward one that every child always fears and wants to run away from? _That_ one?

**H**: Yes, _that_ one. Thankfully, I was quick enough to avoid it when my doting mother decided I was old enough, and not inclined to go wandering the countryside chasing random animal mix-and-matches. That's not the point.

**P**: Right, right. We digress. After all, Ash and his friends didn't even know about mating until Gold and Silver came out! We're still back in Red and Blue, way back in the good old days. Anywho, the point is that none of the gang was a vegetarian, and that means that everyone enjoyed a good burger. _What were they eating!? _There are no cows in the Poke-verse!

**H**: _Exactly!!_ In the Poke-verse, there were the craziest things for your 'mons; beauty spas, doctors, gyms, that weird dojo in the first season with the ninjas... Those people freaking _adored _them. Even the bad guys only wanted them for more training and to take over the world. So I beg to ask you, my friends; _the hell are they eating?_

**P**: In a word: Tauros. But that was, again, back in the good old days. Those Tauros were _so dang delicious_ that they were hunted almost to extinction. Nowadays people eat Milktank.

**H**: Want some beef? Milktank! Their coats are lovely, perfect material for that leather jacket you've been wanting. In the mood for some Chinese? Never fear, Tanglela makes for a really succulent Lo Mein dish. What about some sea food? Mussels and clams come in the Shellder and Cloyster variety!

**P**: For those vegetarians that we know exist but never actually see, we offer Bellsprout and all of its evolutions!! Oh, but that raises some ethical dilemmas... it's a plant Pokemon! Is it a plant or an animal? Can those people who "won't eat anything with a face" really eat _anything_ in the Poke-verse?

**H**: Not really. But if you cut off the heads in the preparation phase of cooking, all kinds of iffy morals can be avoided! For those who need some brain food for that exam tomorrow, Abra! Boost it up a notch with Kadabra! Now with a complementary spoon! For group studying, Alakazam, two spoons for twice the knowledge!.

**P**: Truly there's a phenomenal amount of Pokemon to be eaten! ...it's not all sunshine and rainbows, though. Omanyte and Omastar were such popular delicacies that they were hunted to extinction! These days you can only find fossils... (Or rather, you can only find one fossil... unless you buy more games! That's right, kiddies! You can bring a species back to life by purchasing more Pokemon games! Buy, buy, buy! Do it NOW!) Ahem. Over to you, HowlingAngel. I need a moment to collect myself.

**H**: ...Excuse him, he feels guilt. Those little treats were a particular favorite of his. ( Buying is not the way!! ) But let us not walk away from this tragedy with nothing! Thanks to the extinction of many eaten friends, most of whom we know nothing about because the creators deemed that telling would probably not be a smart thing to do in regard to fans who would object, breeding grounds for the Poke-verse's food have sprung up across the nation! (We don't know about Joto yet, remember?)

**P**: (..._someone_ hates capitalism. Buying _is_ the way! The American way, that is!) That's right! Brock and Pokemon breeders like him around the world have taken it upon themselves to solve world hunger by rasing Pokemon for slaughter! Hm.. That burger tastes like suffering! Scrumptious...

**H**: Yuuuuu-mmy! But suppose you don't like that burger, or not a fan of fast food? (Tauros run _really _fast.) No prob! Peking Psyduck, with a generous helping of Orange sauce. For 5 dollars more, Peking Golduck!

**P**: Hm, now we're getting fancy! For those of you with expensive taste, have some caviar! Poliwag are oh so divine. But for those of you with slightly more empty wallets (no names will be mentioned, Team Rocket.) Have some stone soup! It's cheap to make, quick to cook, and Geodudes are plentiful! Throw in some Oddish for flavor. Add Paras and Parasect for the mushrooms. Mix it all up and you've practically got a stew!

**H**: Speaking of stew...Rabbit! A Nidoran hash is good for the soul. What about you folks who want to go out to eat? Voila! Jigglypuff, dinner and a show! For spice lovers who want a meal with some kick, a Machamp meatpie! A smaller Machop one for those who are on the go.

**P**: Absolutely! Of course, you could get a Pidgey meatpie for less that'll taste about the same. Everything tastes like Pidgey! They're the chickens of the Poke-verse.

**H**: Does Pidgey taste like snapper soup? I think not! Wartortle has a flavor all of its own!

**P**: ...okay, you win this time. It's not like it matters, though. Even with all of this food out in the Poke-verse, none of the main characters ever eat any of it. Team Rocket is always broke. Ash, Misty, and Brock are continuously lost in the forest with only rice-balls to survive. Heck, even the Pokemon are freakishly content to nibble away at berries instead of savagely ripping out the flesh of other Pokemon!

**H**: ...Well, Gyardos begs to differ in the ripping department. Y'know, if he begged instead of, well, ripping.

**P**: ...touche. Fine you win this round, too. Regardless, the point is that all of this potentially violent, morally questionable material was flat out avoided in the show! What _were_ the creators thinking when they gave up all of that?!

**H**: The world may never know... I vote for mass hallucinogen ingestion during the concept phase.

Well, that's it for this week, folks! Tune in next week when PIIR-Pierrot and I talk about the morality of cloning in the Poke-verse. Nurse Joy, _who are you really!?_

_00000000_

**H and P:** Hope you like!! Read and Review!! We mean it!! Or else!!


	2. Jennys and Joys One, Two, Three

**A/N:** This was too good to pass up. You know you want to know as much as we do. ^_^  
P = PIIR-Pierrot  
H = HowlingAngel

Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Truths of Pokémon show, hosted by HowlingAngel and PIIR-Pierrot, where we discuss all the nuances that keep us up at night questioning the creators sanity. Why Team "Rocket"? How does a Pokémon trainer survive? And what's with that hair?!

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**Today's episode: Jenny's and Joy's. One, two, three...**

**H**: Hello all. Welcome to the Truths of Pokémon show, where boredom gives way to pointless fan stories that question the wisdom of certain anime creators.

**P**: Welcome, one and all! This time we're aiming below the belt at the obvious cop-outs on characters commonly called Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy.

**H**: Now now! The characters of Jenny and Joy are beloved by one and all! How can people as socially aware and good natured as us commit an act as cruel as blatantly bashing the sweat drop inducing concept as an entire family of cousins with the same name, facial features, and genetic make up?

**P**: And don't forget their uncannily common fashion sense! As for the how... with ease, of course! And snide humor designed to belittle them and the writers who thought of them. (Goodbye, fourth wall. Not that we've ever had a particularly close relationship with you, that is.)

**H**: Eerie how they all wore the same uniforms, isn't it... Those poor Laundromat attendants. I bet they mixed them up all the time. I weep for who got the final dry cleaning bill. How do you write that out anyway? 'Nurse Joy, one dress. Nurse Joy, one dress. Nurse Joy, one....wait, was this her dress or...'

**P**: Ach, make the migraine stop! What miserable math! Go, Alakazam! Go forth and solve this heinous nuisance of a problem. _*And so Alakazam traveled the lands, searching far and wide... for the answer that he already knew. The end. ...fine. He also became a Pokémon Master. THE END.*_

**H**: Liar. He also went forth and had lots of little Abra babies with unsuspecting fangirl Pokémon who were wooed over his L33T Master skills.

**P**: Woah! Let's keep it PG, HowlingAngel. We wouldn't want this to get out of han- INCORRECT. ALAKAZAM DOES DESIRE THIS FEEBLE TALK SHOW TO GET "OUT OF HAND." THEN, ONCE POKEMON HAS BEEN RUINED FOREVER, I SHALL BE THE ONLY POKEMON MASTER!! …AND THUSLY THE ONLY POKEMON FOR FANGIRLS TO MATE WITH… OBSESS OVER! I MEANT OBSESS!–d.

**H:** (grins insanely) Sure you do. And Miley Cyrus isn't an alien inhabiting the body of a sixteen year old pop star bent on the destruction of the minds of young impressionable children everywhere.

**P**: Speaking of aliens inhabiting female bodies and corrupting the mindless youth of our generation... back to Jenny and Joy! It's quite possible that those two are actually the beginnings of an alien invasion. (What're the names of the alien race to which the Shredder belongs?)

**H**: Shredder? You mean the guy with the mask from TMNTs?

**P**: Oh yes, that guy.

**H**: He's a ninja. Like Naruto!

**P**: Shadow-Clone Justsu! Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny are really Naruto in disguise? I thought that they were alien members of the Purple Dragons, launching their alien takeover of Earth!

**H: **No, silly. They're clones, plain and simple. It's my theory that nobody wanted the role of physician or law-enforcement in the Poke-verse so a mad scientist got bored and made them, but forgot to input a limit number into the machine so they just kept popping out.

**P: **Lol n00b!!!!1!

**H: **…okayyy….

**P: **I mean, how highly unfortunate for that particular professor of the practical profession of people-production. Nevertheless, your postulate is probable.

**H:** Um, yeah. He was an idiot. Or wanted a harem. I dunno. So now we have 100+ Pink and blue haired ladies wandering about. I wonder what would happen if they met each other?

**P: **MEWTWO APPROVES OF THIS HAREM. IN FACT, MEWTWO IS THE ONE WHO "COMISSIONED" PROFESSOR OAK TO DO SUCH A THING.

**H: **Bad Mewtwo! Stop hijacking Pierrot's screen time!... Oak? Ooooh, that would explain so much!

**P: **Oak? What oak?

**H:** Mewtwo took over your mind again. It explains everything!

**P: **Wait, again!? What!?

**H: **It's why Gary is such a prick!

**P: **Still not explaining the "again" thing…

**H: **Professor Oak cloned all those cheerleaders for Gary for his birthdays and Christmas! It explains why an asshat like Gary would have any chicks hanging over him at all!

**P: **Hm… that would also explained why they were always _perfectly_ synchronized when they cheered. But… Professor Oak? Why would he do something like that?

**H: **Kicks.

**P: **Kix? I love that cereal! Its part of this balanced breakfast! Kid tested, mother approved. Oh yeah, I know their slogans.

**H: **Mewtwo ate your brain while he was in there, didn't he….?

**P: **IT WAS SO DELICIOUS! I MUST GET OAK TO CLONE IT…

**H: **-_-;; Right. So, clones. What do you think about the blatant use of fake people in this show, Mr. Two?

**P: **I THINK THAT "BLATANT" ISN'T A REAL WORD. I ALSO THINK THAT IT SAVED A LOT OF PEOPLE A LOT OF MONEY, SO DEAL WITH IT.

**H:** I think that it just added the over population of the global population and put several people out of potential jobs. Have you counted all those Joys and Jennys?

**P: **YES. THERE ARE EXACTLY 5,762 JOYS AND 5,762 JENNYS.

**H: **You counted all of them… ruling the world secretly must be a very boring occupation.

**P: **YOU HAVE NO IDEA… BUT YOU WILL, NEXT TIME, WHEN HOWLINGANGEL AND PIIR-PIERROT TALK ABOUT THE COMPLETE AND TOTAL LACK OF AN OBVIOUS GOVERNMENT IN THE POKE-VERSE.

**H: **Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to us, Mr. Two and bringing up the topic for next time's episode, "I fought the law, and the law… doesn't exist."

**P: **Are we still talking about Kix?

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Stay tuned.


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